Comedians Quiz

Quiz 109 – Round 5 – Comedians

Comedians Quiz – Which famous comedians are responsible for these jokes and one-liners?

1. “Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other, “Does he taste funny to you?””

Tommy Cooper

2. “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

Tim Vine

3. “They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian… They’re not laughing now.”

Bob Monkhouse

4. “Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.”

Benny Hill

5. “I’m playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.”

Eric Morecambe

6. “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”

Billy Connolly

7. “A man can sleep around, no questions asked. But if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp.”

Joan Rivers

8.  “We’d like to apologise to viewers in the North…it must be awful for them.”

Victoria Wood (Written by Victoria Wood but line delivered by Susie Blake – accept either answer)

9. “I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.”

Ken Dodd

10. “I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.”

Eddie Izzard


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